Horror! - My Personal Summary of September 3, 2021, The Day My World Was Forever Changed - Written by Wanda Rodriguez - Written on December 3, 2021 - Published on June 19, 2025

Horror!  

My Personal Summary of September 3, 2021, The Day My World Was Forever Changed.

Written by Wanda Rodriguez

Written on December 3, 2021 

Published on June 19, 2025

*** NOTE - This was written on December 3, 2021.  No edits or corrections have been made since it was raw and originally written on that date.  It was my first Post to Caring Bridges page created and dedicated to my late husband, Dave. He was the love of my life and remains forever in my heart.  ***

Horror! My personal summary of September 3, 2021

Horror!

What grips your heart and fills you with instant fear?

The sound of squealing tires!?!

A massive thunderclap right above your head!?!?

Loud, firm knocking on your door in the night!?!? 

A baby crying?!?

A loved one, anyone really, screaming suddenly out in pain!?!?

The latter is what gripped my heart just a few short hours ago, hours that now seem like an eternity.  What makes the sudden screaming of loved one even worse?  The fact that you were sound asleep and not fully oriented to your surroundings. 

You shoot up like a rocket! What?! Where?! But you know the who, you know that voice well but the sheer pain and anguish in their voice, that’s new! That’s different!  Intense!  Terrifying!  Somehow through your disorientation you instantly pinpoint the direction of the sound, of the one, loud, intense, primal scream that somehow seems to linger in the air and you rush, still trying to focus and take in the elements of the room, towards the direction of the now echoing silence.  

Your vision comes into quick focus as you see your loved one stretched out awkwardly, unnaturally, on the couch while frantically talk to them, touch them, and quickly take in the reality of the situation!  Phone!!  911, what is your emergency?   Help!!!!  I need help!  

My husband is having a seizure! …

Lying before you, in this awkward mass, is the man you have loved for the better part of your life.  Body rigid. Body shaking with sharp, short, violent explosions of movement.  Eyes wide open, fixed, vacant.  Jaws clinched tight.  Blood and brown liquid frothing, pouring out of his mouth. Gurgling! Can not pry jaws open.  Moving him to straighten his body.  Confusion.   CPR?  Is he breathing?  Yes, thank God.  Is he dying?  Need more help! Yell for the kids! HELP!

You help me.  You move the car.  You make sure the steps are clear so they can get him out of here.  Keep the littles safe in another room.  Away from this. Watch for the ambulance.  Wave them in.  Turn his head!  Not his body, just his head.  Massive explosion of vomit! Less gurgling.  Still shaking. So much shaking! What’s taking so long?  I thought I heard sirens!  It’s seems to be going fast and in slow motion all at the same time!  Will they ever get here?  No response.  Still shaking.  Gurgling.  Puking.  Dying?

Eyes still wide open.  Vacant. Shaking subdues slightly.  Help finally arrives!  What took so long?!?! Wrong house?  Finally here.  Thank God!  We back out as they move in and swiftly carry him out.  Questions.  Lots of questions.  Same questions.  Time to transport. No more shaking.  No words.  Eyes still wide open but less vacant.  Searching.  Fearful.  Scared. Isolated. Like a silent scream. 

He’s on his way.  What happened?  Why?  Definite seizure but why the primal pain scream?  Heart attack?  Stroke? We need answers!  He needs to get better!

Must stay calm.  Make a plan. Move forward.  Get ducks in a row and get out.  Lots of hugs.  Tears.  Pride in the kids.  Pulling together!  Focused!  Helpful!  Couldn’t have done it without them.  Rose to the challenge! Swell of love, pride, fear, anxiety and more that all seemed to be internally fighting for attention. Must.  Stay. Calm.  Cry later. Be brave for them.  Be brave for him.   Focus!

Hurry to the hospital so you can slow down and wait.   And wait.  And wait some more. Mishandlings.  Misinformation.  Miscommunications.  Missed opportunities.  So much time lost. I wish we didn’t have to go to the closest hospital.  

He looks better.  Relaxed body. Responsive.  Restful eyes. Something is off.  Responses. Recall.  Connections.  He’s here but not here.  Was medicine given to make him groggy?  No.  Pray this is short term, his brain has been through a lot! Healing.  Healing.  Rest and healing.  Quiet. 

So much vomiting.  Restless.  Tired.  Can’t sleep.  Random thoughts.  Mixed up words. What’s my name?  “Ten Second Tom.”  Fear setting in.  Answers please!  Someone?  Anyone?  Everyone is busy but but vacant to me as I search for answers.  It’s like looking into his eyes again only this time at a ward full of people well-conditioned at avoiding eye contact. Help!  Why is no one helping him!?!

Good news!  No stroke!  Thank God!   No heart attack!  Thank God! Bad news!  Mass found on his brain, the left side!  What?!?  What does that mean?  What’s next? Transfer?  We wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Insanity setting in.  

MRI?  When?!?!  What’s taking so long?  You say brain lesion.  Massive seizure.  Language connections.  Constant vomiting. What are you waiting for? Does he need to die to get your attention?  Paperwork error.  Bullshit!  Bullshit!!  Bullshit!!!! Pass the buck!  Blame game!  Action needed now!  

MRI finally done.  Ten hours later!  And we wait.  And wait.  And wait.  No one knows anything.  No one shares anything. Neurosurgeon probably won’t read till the morning.  Oh.   They should have done it with contrast as well. Whoops.  Fingers pointing. Accountability anyone?  What now?   Why no transfer.  Wait. Wait. Wait.  

Losing my mind.  Calm on the outside, or at least trying.  Don’t cry in front of him.  Stay positive.  Don’t correct him.  Stay calm.  Advocate!  Push for answers.  Need help.  Healing.  So noisy.  Bright lights.  Admitted but no room.  In the ER all night.  He tosses and turns.  

You continue to advocate, inform, comfort, encourage and quietly, quickly go insane.