Infinity - Written by Wanda Rodriguez - Written on April 19, 2025 - Posted on April 27, 2025

Infinity

Written by Wanda Rodriguez

Written on April 19, 2025

Posted on April 27, 2025

According to Wikipedia, Infinity is something that is boundless, endless, or larger than any natural number. It is denoted by a symbol that resembles a sideways number 8 (∞).  When I think of the word infinity, so many things come to mind.  Obviously, I think of numbers and how they go on forever.  As a child, I remember writing pages upon pages of numbers in fruitless attempts to reach the end.  It never happened.  It’s like all those times as a child that I searched in vain for the end of the rainbow.  Alas, I never found that crafty, little leprechaun or his stinkin’ pot of gold!  (Curses! Foiled again!)  

The word infinity also makes me think of love.  Love for a parent, a child, a friend, a sibling, etc.  The kind of love that just endures and seemingly goes on forever and ever (Amen!).  It fills you up and it is represented by shared memories, experiences, joy, trust, respect, sadness, growth, learning opportunities, successes, failures, etc.  Love blossoms out of these things and so much more.  Love continues to grow and bloom forever.  Infinitely.  Sure, like in the life cycle of a plant, there are times of growth and times of hibernation but the love never ceases.  Such is the case with a life-long friend that was separated from you due to life and circumstances (careers, family, military, etc.), but you have remained close.  Not as close as you would like to be, naturally.  I mean you are not living next door, or better yet roommates (like Laverne and Shirley or Three’s Company) as you had always imagined as youngins, but you have managed to stay in touch.  Seeing each other when you can with that little touch of magic that makes them “lifers” with you (forever friends), and you pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.  You can tell each other everything, you laugh like nobody's business, and despite the distance, your connection remains strong and intact.  Besides, you can’t stop being friends with them now because they have way too much dirt on you, and you on them!  Ha ha!!  Just kidding (or am I?!?!)! 

The same can be said for siblings.  I had the good fortune of having four older brothers, two of which are still active in my life.  That being said, we see each other only a few times a year.  The time between visits seems to have spread out like a spider’s web but, like a web, the connection has remained intact.  Recently, I had the pleasure of spending time with my brothers, and it was wonderful to watch them together.  They were deeply connected by stories and memories, all of which came flooding out of them.  There was so much joy and laughter.  It made my heart sing as the integrity of their bond did not wane, regardless of time passed.  I joined in as well, (and loved it!!!), but there is a decent age gap between the two of them and myself, leading to a difference in shared experiences growing up. The shared love remains limitless.  This is true for my other brothers as well, the love doesn’t end just because life deals different cards, the love remains.

This brings up an interesting point for me.  You know how family is typically made up of a group of people you were born into, in which shared experiences naturally follow.  Friends are family that you choose.  You may love them both equally, (give or take), but have you ever had those family members that you would not choose to be a friend, if not otherwise connected by default?  Conversely, have you ever had friends and thought to yourself, At least we are not related!  (cough ... cough … shuffle in chair … sigh … yeah, me neither…. Ahem… )?   Sometimes the people we love the most can also be a source of greater frustration, probably because we do love them so deeply.  We let them so far into our personal safety zone that we are more easily hurt by them.  Their opinions matter more to us, even if we try to act like it doesn’t (It does!). Still, we love them.  Through thick and thin, good and bad, talking and silence, anger and joy, we love them.  We might not always like them, but we’ll always love them.  Infinitely.

As my husband, Dave, entered the stage where his cancer (glioblastoma) escalated its attack on his body, his abilities for independent care quickly decreased.  He absolutely hated it!  He hated having to rely on others for help in daily self care, and he apologized often.  Each time I would tell him it was my pleasure and that I knew he would do the same for me were the circumstances reversed.  I would sometimes tell him it was my job then hold up my left hand and tap my wedding ring and say something goofy like, it’s in the contract or this is what I signed up for (... in sickness and in health… till death do us part…).  After thirty plus years of marriage it is safe to say that we didn’t always get along swimmingly, or see eye to eye on things, but we always shared mutual respect for one another.  No matter what, there was always endless, boundless, limitless, infinite love (there still is!!)!

It is challenging to go on after losing someone you love.  There are so many choices and experiences you now have to navigate alone.  You do your best in trying to manage your grief while also providing comfort and support to those you love who are also experiencing grief on their own unique terms and timelines.  To my knowledge, there’s no book called Grief for Dummies.  You know what, there probably is (it would not surprise me but I am not going to check to find out) but I wouldn’t buy it!  One thing I have learned through experience and growth in walking through my own grief is that it is a very personal journey.  There is no right way to grieve and no hard and fast timeline that dictates your choices, your movements, or when change might be acceptable.  As you did before the loss of your loved one (in my case, my spouse), you do the best you can do with what you have, and with what you know.   You try to make the best decisions possible.  The difference is that this time you are doing it alone.  That is harder than you might think, you absolutely will make mistakes, and you will inadvertently bump into others' grief boundaries or expectations, I think that is also a part of the process.  I call it growing pains.  It is hard for everyone to navigate change, especially after a loss, but the world keeps spinning and life continues to move forward, ready or not.  Change is hard.  Grief is hard.  Life is hard.  No one gets it right but keep trying to do your best to do the next right thing for you.  

Here’s the thing, even after the “contract” comes to an end on this earth, as you are now parted by death, the connection is infinite.  Love does not die.  The bond does not die.  The shared memories and experiences that shaped you and connected you do not cease to exist, even as your life continues pressing forward and the chapters of your shared life come to a close.  This can be hard for you to take in or for others to accept, but life does continue on, and with it there should be allowances for new experiences, friendships, and for love.  Don’t give up hope as you work through your season of grief.  You will find happiness again.  Find a group, a hobby, new friends, old friends, a church, etc. Finding new joys does not diminish your love for the person that you lost, they will always be with you and your love for them will always be, after all, it is infinite.  

It makes me think of God’s boundless love for us, His precious creation.  His love for us is also infinite.  Consider the enormity of the sacrifices made on our behalf, all in the name of love.  He waits and watches.  No doubt we disappoint Him again and again (I know that I do!).   We pull away from Him, we ignore Him, we seek Him only in times of need or want.  We try to run the show all by ourselves, etc.  But He is always there, good and faithful, filled with infinite love for us.  Noah Webster offered a more detailed explanation of the word infinity.  In 1828 he defined it as being an unlimited extent of time, space or quantity, boundlessness. Adding that We apply infinity to God and His perfections - we speak of the infinity of His existence, His knowledge, His power, His goodness and holiness.  How awesome is this?  God, to me, is the embodiment of love and the embodiment of infinity.  I am thankful for His gifts.  

As for those you know who may be on their own grief journey (or your own grief journey for that matter!!), the best thing you can do is to allow “space for grace.”  Grief is a hard enough journey to make as is.  Mistakes will be made. You will stumble and you may fall but you will get up.  Through it all, may change, and you may find love again.  Its a blessing to have others walking shoulder to shoulder with you, offering a shoulder, an ear, love and support.  Remember, whatever the walk looks like, it does not negate the infinite love shared with those lost.  There is no limit to the number of people for whom one can feel and share love.  The gift of love in and of itself is also infinite.  

Thank you for joining me in this journey of grief and of infinite love.  -Wanda

Bible Verses that came to mind while writing this post.

• Psalm 36:5, NLT: "Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds."
• Jeremiah 3:3a NLT: "I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love."
• 1 John 4:7-8: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God."
• Jeremiah 31:3: "I have loved you with an everlasting love."