Judgements - Written on April 19, 2025 - Posted on April 23, 2025

Judgements

Written by Wanda Rodriguez

Written on April 19, 2025

Posted on April 23, 2025

We all try not to be judgmental. Truth be told, most of us probably believe that we do a pretty good job of it. Do we, though?  Really?  Just because we don’t say it out loud, or we do it under the guise of “just joking” or “just saying” or perhaps just with a quick expression, a head shake, an eye roll or a sigh, doesn’t mean we are not judging others.  Judging their words, their actions, their clothes, their hair, their body type, their opinions, their choices, their speed at completing a task, their mannerisms, etc.  The list is literally endless.  You name it and it’s likely being judged by someone and, no doubt, that someone is sometimes you and me.  “It's just my opinion” or “if you want my 2 cents” or “if you ask me;” and such phrases, are just gentle ways of passing judgement.  

Recently, I started working my way through a book that reinforces the basic premise that you can only control your own expectations and your reactions to things and that you have zero control over the actions (thoughts, actions/inactions, behaviors, choices, comments, beliefs, etc.) of others, so why allow things out of your control to upset you and impact you negatively? It talks of not giving over the control of your emotions based on the judgements or behaviors of others.  This is valid advice, even though it may fall into the “easier said than done” category.

I, for one, have been guilty of standing in quiet judgement (sometimes not so quiet) of others.  I sometimes catch myself before it totally manifests and stop it in its tracks.  Other times it just rolls on out there, privately, publicly or somewhere in between.  Oftentimes, it depends on my mood or if I have let circumstances get to me.  I find my filter to be a little (a lot!) less stringent at those times.  When my mind slows and I am aware of my judgments, and the domino effect it often creates, I have regret.  I repent and apologize as needed.  There are times though, in the heat of the moment, that I look for validation of my feelings.  Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, you can find something to support whatever you are thinking or feeling, regardless of its content or validity.  There are always people around who love to put wood (gasoline even!!) on the fire.  Are you one of them?  I try to de-escalate tense situations when possible, but there have been times when I've stoked the flames of judgement by sharing my bits of "wisdom."

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you just know that a certain person is going to be judging you for whatever, and you build it up in your mind and anticipate it when you next interact with them?  You assume the worst from them regardless of the actual happenings.  You may work yourself up into an emotional lather and end up presenting as standoffish or defensive, exasperating the situation.  Isn’t this too a judgement?  There is a chance that you might have perceived the situation all wrong, they might be oblivious to your feelings or expectations of judgement with zero idea that you are (or why you are) pensive around them.  Then again, they may know full well how you feel and they bank on it.  They may thrive on you inadvertently giving over control of your emotions to them, as you walk on eggshells and try desperately to avoid conflict and judgements at all costs.  It’s a classic lose/lose scenario and one that people fall into all too often (Guilty!!). We all probably have that person who frustrates the stuffings out of us, frequently to the point that our distrust of their intentions overshadows any good they offer and blinds us to the positives.  It also robs us from creating happy, shared experiences with this person.  

Now, let me be careful to say that I am not talking about toxic people in your life that can be manipulative, controlling and destructive.  It is likely that you have all encountered such people, (I definitely have!!), and with these individuals I encourage putting strong, clear boundaries in place to protect your own peace and well-being.  But when it comes to friends, family members or colleagues with whom you may have grown to expect frustration and conflict, try to cleanse your mind of preconceived notions.  Instead, try entering with an open mind, expecting the best and see what happens.  Go out of your way to look for positives and to share encouragements when applicable.  Much like a yawn or a stretch can be “contagious,” so can sharing joy and kindness.  Create the type of environment you are comfortable in, one where you and those around you thrive and lift each other up rather than tearing one another down.  Put boundaries in place as needed, but don’t enter expecting the worst because you will find it.  Enter expecting the best, putting your best foot forward, and you may be surprised how different the outcome can be.  

As much as you can, leave judgements to God.  Try to always allow “space for grace.”  You don’t know what they are walking through.  Share kindness and light wherever and whenever you can.  And when you do catch yourself making or sharing judgements, try to stop yourself, as the weight of your words matter.  Repent and repair as needed and get yourself back on track.  Try not to let anger and frustration over the feelings of being judged alter who you are, a child of God, and do your best to right yourself and your attitude.  Turn to God for strength and support and work on what you can change, which is you, your actions, your reactions.  You cannot change others or their actions, but you can pray for them.  I have found strength and relief in praying for those who frustrate me the most.  I urge you to give it a try.  

Thank you for joining me in my journey.  -Wanda

Bible Verses that came to mind while writing this post.

On Judging Others:

Matthew 7:1

“Do not judge so that you will not be judged.

Luke 6:37

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.

James 5:9

Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.

Romans 14:13

Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.

James 4:12

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?

On Loving and Praying for Others:

Matthew 5:44 

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

Luke 6:27-28 

But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

Romans 12:14 

Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.